Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Another WTF Weekend...

Did you ever have weekends where you couldn't wait for them to be over so that you go back to work and not think about what is going on in your personal life? This was just such a weekend. Let me rephrase that: it was the whole week before!

There I was, just enjoying the my last week of freedom before going to summer school, when I got a call at work. Turns out my ex had a heart attack and was being taken by ambulance from his home to hospital 20 miles away. All sorts of things ran through my head at this time. While the break up was unevenful, I was not going out of my way to be accomodating to him when called asking to "meet up and talk". I wasn't rude or anything, I just kept setting clear boundaries with him, so as to not fall into the same old trap, making with the hot and sweaty for "old time's sake.

But what really slapped me in the face, was the fact that I still care for him, and no matter what his issues were/are, I can't deny that I love/loved him. And then I started feeling guilty for breaking up with him, and how that might have lead up to this.

Over and over, there are stories of how people have died of "broken heart", and the way we left things the last time would fit right in with this. I know I did the right thing, because in time, I would have come to resent him for not having the balls to stand up to his family and his friends to acknowledge who I was to him. But now, I am so confused about my emotions and reaction to the whole thing. I total lost my sh** on Wednesday, and had to take a little personal time to deal. It took a little time, but I was able to pull it together and finish out the work week. I even hung out with the Scooby Gang for dinner on Friday night.

When Saturday rolled around, I made the trip up to Tulare to see him. They had moved him from Intensive Care to a regular room, and he was strong enough to have visitors. We talked for a while about the good times and things we shared, and then the time came for me to go. As I was about to leave, he told me that he called for me as he being taken away in the ambulance, and that he had to see me. And then he said that he would always love me.

He was released from the hospital yesterday, and the calls are coming in. I am just a confused mess, and I really hate feeling this way. Man, I sound like a bad Madonna song. I am scared to see where this is all heading. How is it that you can know intellectually that someone is WRONG for you, but have these feelings that rock you to your core? WTF!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

It's Showtime, Synergy. Time For Alex's 5

After campaigning as much Obama, some kind soul finally tagged me to do my five.... I hope these anwers are relevant and educational...

1. Share 5 unknown Facts about yourself.

2. Pay it forward! Link 5 more bloggers and include their names in your post.

3. Leave them a comment on their blog and let them know that they’ve been tagged.

Here's my 5:

1) This is going to guarantee I have enemies after this: I think Justin Timberlake is overrated. Strike that: I think he is OVER! Sure, he's put out some nice ear candy over the years, but come on! Michael Jackson did this crap 25 years earlier (and better). Put the Jesus juice down, and get some real skills.

2) My secret shame: I always wanted to be on MTV's the Real World ( Seasons 1 through 6), when they were good (except for London!). I would have been great for casting: I am hyper, talk a lot of trash, and my genetic predisposition for bitchiness would have made me America's next gay sweetheart... Sigh

3) I got porn star Max Grand all soak and wet (I wish I had in another fashion...he he he ) at LA Pride a few years back.

4) My sisters and I knew the closing dance routine to Solid Gold by heart, and would do it every Saturday night at the end; (Solid Gold, filling up your life with music, Solid Gold...lol)

5) I still have the CD Single to Vanilla Ice's Cool as Ice, with hot mess/train wreck/ model Naomi Campbell singing the hook.

Well, my work is done...

I am tagging Chris, Paul, Alex, and Greg

Monday, June 9, 2008

It Ain't No Fun If Alex Can't Have Some..Sigh

I was looking around and found this fun little questionnaire...Being me, I jacked it from my friend Paul and thought I would have a go of it...Like saying goes: "Hellfire is forever...."

1) Where is your cell phone? In my pants. No comments from the peanut gallery.

2) Your significant other? A four hour compilation...It takes the edge off and knows when to shut its yap.

3) Your hair? almost ready to go into Afro puffs

4) Your skin? a nice golden brown...I put the lotion on its skin so it doesn't get the hose.

5) Your father? Has more issues with me than the rack at Borders booksellers.

6) Your favorite thing? My 7 lbs of canine fury (Sprinkles)

7) Your dream last night? I had a dream I was having a major thrown down with a former friend of mine.. My BFF knows who it is..

8')Your favorite drink? Anything that can make my nipples stand at attention

9) Your dream/goal? To be a well paid therapist, and living at my full potential with my family and friends

10) The room you’re in? My bedroom and enjoying Dante's Cove Season 3!

11) Your ex? ...Two words - Closet Mess

12) Your fear? My mother.. She has a glare that can melt metal..Thank goodness I will have therapy soon!

13) Where do you want to be in 6 years? Having my practice and place to call my own. Maybe even becoming a dad with a partner or on my own.

14) Where were you last night? Terrorizing small children..Actually swimming and playing with my nieces and nephews...!

15) What you’re not? A Caucasian Heterosexual.

16) Muffins? The best comfort food on a cold winter morning!

17) One of your wish list items? Keep up my nerve to go on all gay cruise when I graduate school.

18) Where you grew up? Like a John Cougar Mellencamp song: Born in a small town (Bakersfield), live in a small town; gonna die in a small town...

19) The last thing you did? This cute boy I met .....Wait! that was last night..Finished the day's paperwork and then came home.

20) what are you wearing? Gap muscle shirt and some cut-off sweats..seductive!

21) Your TV? Gets a lot of action. YAY Porn!

22) Your pets? my fur face Sprinkles

23) Your computer? Is my other brain.

24) Your life? A gayer version of Sex and the City.

25) Your mood? Has more swings than playground..Waiting for my grades for Spring Quarter

26) Missing someone? so much right now, but he's going to be moving back to Australia...sigh

27) Your car? Is probably going to die soon

28')Something you’re not wearing? a thong. That would get me into a lot of trouble. Very uncomfortable I might add.

29) Favorite store? Target. Most of the clerks know me, and I can have a pleasant shopping experience while avoiding so much of the trailer trash milling around at Wally.

30) Your summer? will be hot and sweaty.But then I have to get off the boys and go to work and summer school.

31) Like someone? yes, but it is doomed from the start.

32) Your favorite color? is blue (da ba di ba da ba)

33) When is the last time you laughed? Two minutes ago at my neighbor's misfortune.

34) Last time you cried? was Saturday afternoon watching Beaches. The shot of the hearse rounding the bend while "Wind Beneath My Wings" gets me every time. Is that gay?

35) Who will/would re-post this? People who want to avoiding doing something else.

36) Whose answers are you anxious to see? Whomever wants to share..I am a giver.

37) Most disliked vegetable? Okra..yuck

38') A lovely Person? BFF Chris...Sometimes..We are too much alike!!!

39) Country I want to visit? Australia. There is a hot man there I going to need to molest again and again..

40) Lucky number? My lucky number 3 (again, no comments from the peanut gallery.

Man, I feel so much better now....

Friday, June 6, 2008

So they think I Can Dance...

Yes, it's me again...I am trying to make more of an effort to be more consistent with my blog entries, and to get my body back into its "fighting weight". Only time will tell if I am successful in either category. Now on to my reason for this new post.
As I was doing my usual thing at work (yes, I do work!) I was approached by the minions to participate in a dance routine for the company's annual planning day festivities. Planning day is this event wherein all the branches of the company get together to connect, have fun, and see what we can do make things better and embarrass each other. But then there is the "other" component; the entertainment portion of the program. My office has decided that we would be doing a dance routine for this get together...
I don't know whether I should be flattered or insulted for being asked to be in the actual routine and help choreograph. Don't get me wrong; I can drop it like it's hot and be as "bootylicious " and work my pudding as good as(and sometimes better than) the average dancing queen, but why would these people want me to play in their reindeer games? For the longest time, I felt as though I did not fit in with the new group coming in, and now I am doing my best Paula Abdul (late 80's, not the train wreck she is today) impersonation for this event. Is it because I'm gay, or black, or both? Hmmmmm.....
Well anyways, we had our first rehearsals this week, and I really put Richard Simmons to shame with my snappy ensemble (complete with headband and faux legwarmers circa-Flashdance), the huge buckets of sweat that rolled off my frame as we worked our way through the steps. As any of my friends (and fans) will tell you, I sweat alot. So much so, that in my younger days I would bring three extra shirts to change into when I went dancing.
Being a child of the 70's and 80's who consumed lots of television (and cartoons in particular), I have to come away from these situations with the idea that I have learned something from the experience like they always did at the end of the show. I learned two valuable lessons from my Xana-dance, step it up journey: (1) That I need to trim off some of ample assets. Seeing yourself in the cruel cruel gaze of the mirror as you move is a sobering and humbling experience. (2) I still have some moves. All those hours of watching Soul Train, Solid Gold, and Friday Night Videos really paid off. I still have my flexibility, and when I did my thing , the men all paused.....
Well the show is supposed to happen on June 19th, and I am still memorizing the movies. Wish me luck (or is it break a leg?) You can now add me to list of my friends who are getting rid of that devil called carbs....Argh!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

A Labels or Love Weekend.....

This past Friday, my gay mafia and I made the pilgrimage to the Nirvana called Sex and the City, the movie. At times like this, I wonder: what are setting ourselves up for? We were lucky enough to even get tickets for Friday, and as far the eye can see women in horrible fashions flashed before my eyes. While I can identify with a character or two from the show as well as the next woman or gay man, the LAST thing I need to hear in the background is every woman and gay guy saying such gems as :"I am SO the Carrie of my group!" Trick, please! Save this tired argument for the car
with your friends or in the bar in a drunken stupor. Well back to us.
As we were settling into to our uncomfortable chairs, trust this group to find the drunkest, obnoxious, loud group of cougars in the house. And just like that old Frankie Goes to Hollywood song; Two Tribes Go To War.....
Lead Cougar: "What are you guys doing here? This a Chick Flick."
BFF: "We are all gay."
And the fun begins. I can honestly say that this little reminded of me why my friends means so much to me. Boyfriends come and go, but the friends are the ones that stay with you through all the changes, the triumphs and the heartbreaks. Just want to thank the guys for making my life so much more special.