Tuesday, June 24, 2008
There I was, just enjoying the my last week of freedom before going to summer school, when I got a call at work. Turns out my ex had a heart attack and was being taken by ambulance from his home to hospital 20 miles away. All sorts of things ran through my head at this time. While the break up was unevenful, I was not going out of my way to be accomodating to him when called asking to "meet up and talk". I wasn't rude or anything, I just kept setting clear boundaries with him, so as to not fall into the same old trap, making with the hot and sweaty for "old time's sake.
But what really slapped me in the face, was the fact that I still care for him, and no matter what his issues were/are, I can't deny that I love/loved him. And then I started feeling guilty for breaking up with him, and how that might have lead up to this.
Over and over, there are stories of how people have died of "broken heart", and the way we left things the last time would fit right in with this. I know I did the right thing, because in time, I would have come to resent him for not having the balls to stand up to his family and his friends to acknowledge who I was to him. But now, I am so confused about my emotions and reaction to the whole thing. I total lost my sh** on Wednesday, and had to take a little personal time to deal. It took a little time, but I was able to pull it together and finish out the work week. I even hung out with the Scooby Gang for dinner on Friday night.
When Saturday rolled around, I made the trip up to Tulare to see him. They had moved him from Intensive Care to a regular room, and he was strong enough to have visitors. We talked for a while about the good times and things we shared, and then the time came for me to go. As I was about to leave, he told me that he called for me as he being taken away in the ambulance, and that he had to see me. And then he said that he would always love me.
He was released from the hospital yesterday, and the calls are coming in. I am just a confused mess, and I really hate feeling this way. Man, I sound like a bad Madonna song. I am scared to see where this is all heading. How is it that you can know intellectually that someone is WRONG for you, but have these feelings that rock you to your core? WTF!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
After campaigning as much Obama, some kind soul finally tagged me to do my five.... I hope these anwers are relevant and educational...
1. Share 5 unknown Facts about yourself.
2. Pay it forward! Link 5 more bloggers and include their names in your post.
3. Leave them a comment on their blog and let them know that they’ve been tagged.
Here's my 5:
1) This is going to guarantee I have enemies after this: I think Justin Timberlake is overrated. Strike that: I think he is OVER! Sure, he's put out some nice ear candy over the years, but come on! Michael Jackson did this crap 25 years earlier (and better). Put the Jesus juice down, and get some real skills.
2) My secret shame: I always wanted to be on MTV's the Real World ( Seasons 1 through 6), when they were good (except for London!). I would have been great for casting: I am hyper, talk a lot of trash, and my genetic predisposition for bitchiness would have made me America's next gay sweetheart... Sigh
3) I got porn star Max Grand all soak and wet (I wish I had in another fashion...he he he ) at LA Pride a few years back.
4) My sisters and I knew the closing dance routine to Solid Gold by heart, and would do it every Saturday night at the end; (Solid Gold, filling up your life with music, Solid Gold...lol)
5) I still have the CD Single to Vanilla Ice's Cool as Ice, with hot mess/train wreck/ model Naomi Campbell singing the hook.
Well, my work is done...
I am tagging Chris, Paul, Alex, and Greg
Monday, June 9, 2008
1) Where is your cell phone? In my pants. No comments from the peanut gallery.
2) Your significant other? A four hour compilation...It takes the edge off and knows when to shut its yap.
3) Your hair? almost ready to go into Afro puffs
4) Your skin? a nice golden brown...I put the lotion on its skin so it doesn't get the hose.
5) Your father? Has more issues with me than the rack at Borders booksellers.
6) Your favorite thing? My 7 lbs of canine fury (Sprinkles)
7) Your dream last night? I had a dream I was having a major thrown down with a former friend of mine.. My BFF knows who it is..
8')Your favorite drink? Anything that can make my nipples stand at attention
9) Your dream/goal? To be a well paid therapist, and living at my full potential with my family and friends
10) The room you’re in? My bedroom and enjoying Dante's Cove Season 3!
11) Your ex? ...Two words - Closet Mess
12) Your fear? My mother.. She has a glare that can melt metal..Thank goodness I will have therapy soon!
13) Where do you want to be in 6 years? Having my practice and place to call my own. Maybe even becoming a dad with a partner or on my own.
14) Where were you last night? Terrorizing small children..Actually swimming and playing with my nieces and nephews...!
15) What you’re not? A Caucasian Heterosexual.
16) Muffins? The best comfort food on a cold winter morning!
17) One of your wish list items? Keep up my nerve to go on all gay cruise when I graduate school.
18) Where you grew up? Like a John Cougar Mellencamp song: Born in a small town (Bakersfield), live in a small town; gonna die in a small town...
19) The last thing you did? This cute boy I met .....Wait! that was last night..Finished the day's paperwork and then came home.
20) what are you wearing? Gap muscle shirt and some cut-off sweats..seductive!
21) Your TV? Gets a lot of action. YAY Porn!
22) Your pets? my fur face Sprinkles
23) Your computer? Is my other brain.
24) Your life? A gayer version of Sex and the City.
25) Your mood? Has more swings than playground..Waiting for my grades for Spring Quarter
26) Missing someone? so much right now, but he's going to be moving back to Australia...sigh
27) Your car? Is probably going to die soon
28')Something you’re not wearing? a thong. That would get me into a lot of trouble. Very uncomfortable I might add.
29) Favorite store? Target. Most of the clerks know me, and I can have a pleasant shopping experience while avoiding so much of the trailer trash milling around at Wally.
30) Your summer? will be hot and sweaty.But then I have to get off the boys and go to work and summer school.
31) Like someone? yes, but it is doomed from the start.
32) Your favorite color? is blue (da ba di ba da ba)
33) When is the last time you laughed? Two minutes ago at my neighbor's misfortune.
34) Last time you cried? was Saturday afternoon watching Beaches. The shot of the hearse rounding the bend while "Wind Beneath My Wings" gets me every time. Is that gay?
35) Who will/would re-post this? People who want to avoiding doing something else.
36) Whose answers are you anxious to see? Whomever wants to share..I am a giver.
37) Most disliked vegetable? Okra..yuck
38') A lovely Person? BFF Chris...Sometimes..We are too much alike!!!
39) Country I want to visit? Australia. There is a hot man there I going to need to molest again and again..
40) Lucky number? My lucky number 3 (again, no comments from the peanut gallery.
Man, I feel so much better now....
Friday, June 6, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
This past Friday, my gay mafia and I made the pilgrimage to the Nirvana called Sex and the City, the movie. At times like this, I wonder: what are setting ourselves up for? We were lucky enough to even get tickets for Friday, and as far the eye can see women in horrible fashions flashed before my eyes. While I can identify with a character or two from the show as well as the next woman or gay man, the LAST thing I need to hear in the background is every woman and gay guy saying such gems as :"I am SO the Carrie of my group!" Trick, please! Save this tired argument for the car